Code Red: 10 Red Flags to Watch For, When Dating Someone New.
In the beginning stages of dating someone new,—also known as the honeymoon stage— we, as women are instantly hooked by the charm, personality and/or attractiveness of our partner, that we often times tend to sweep all the red flags under the rug, hoping for them to disappear someday soon.
By ignoring the reg flags, or just thinking “these issues will change once the relationship grows”, is a common mistake almost all of us make.
Eventually, there will be too many flags to bury under the rug and will soon resurface, resulting in numerous complications. Stop for a moment, take a step back, and carefully examine the path of your relationship. Ask yourself, has your partner done the following within the first few months of the relationship?
They take several hours or days to respond to a text.
I get it, we are all adults and lead very busy lives. Some of us have kids at this point in our lives. However, when someone chooses to date, they are releasing signals that say “Yes. I am available”., “Yes, I will make time for you”, “Yes, I have to get to know you more”. Point blank, period. As women with high expectations, we cannot afford to waste time with those, whose have priorities that overweight conversing with you (hair flip). You are too good to be waiting hours and hours for a reply. Trust me, the right man will make the time to hold your attention.
You Only Hear from Them Late at Night.
And the only thing on their mind is? You guessed it, sex. Don’t fall for their games ya’ll. If it’s 10 or 11 at night and you get the infamous you up? text, you can best believe they’re looking for a booty call. The right man will know that the ambitious and successful woman, that you most definitely are, has already K.O'ed for night so she can hustle the next morning. Leave them on read and if you must reply, do so the following morning.
They’re Always on Their Phone
Oh no, oh absolutely not. You mean to tell me, they have the outright HONOR of having YOUR attention and they are choosing to waste it behind their screen? Oh no. Absolutely not. Goodbye, next.
Someone who cares about you should be able to put their phone down for a few moments and give you the one-on-one attention you deserve! If they can’t simply give you their attention now, how will it ever change in the long run?
Catching Them in Lies
Lies. Lies. Lies. If you ever catch them in lies time after time again, either run as fast as you can or start thinking what else are they lying about? First, they might start off by telling you little “white lies” and you may think to yourself, that was a weird thing to lie about. Oh well, no big deal, it’s only one lie” and as you continue to sweep his lies under the rug, or turn a blind eye to the truth, you’re actually saying Go ahead! Lie some more! I won’t care. I will probably believe anything you say, anyways. No honey, you know you’re smarter than that.
Constantly Talking sh*t about their Ex
Okay. We get it. You hate your ex. Wanna know something I hate? Talking sh*t about your ex, when I’m standing right here! It’s annoying and your date could care less. Save your venting about your ex for your coworkers. I mean, they’re already stuck with you for another 4 hours so, why not?
If they are constantly bringing up their ex and dragging their name through the mud, it’s actually reflects poorly on them more so the Ex. It’s like getting a sneak preview of the kind of language they would use for you, if you decided to end the relationship and they weren’t happy about it.
Not respecting your boundaries
Your boundaries are your limits. What are you willing or not willing to do in your relationship? Boundaries should be firmly set and clearly communicated. It’s almost a fiery, blazing, red flag, if your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, if they are forcing you to do things you don’t want to do. This also goes for your sexual boundaries. No means no. End of story.
Being in a “secret” relationship
Why in the world would two grown adults agree to sneak, hide and/or force their relationship to be kept a secret? Do they not want a certain person to know of the romantic relationship? Think on this one, sis.
Part of the fun of being in a relationship, is people knowing your in a relationship. Your partner shouldn’t be anything less than excited to show you off to their friends and family, in public and on social media. I’m not saying couples must post a ridiculously annoying number of pictures everyday on IG or Facebook, but there should be clear indication that you two are together.
They treat their family badly.
If your partner is rude to their family, especially if they’re expressing rude behavior knowing that you’re in the room, you should seriously consider running as far away from them as possible You should take this behavior as a bright red flag when thinking about how they might behave in a long-term relationship. If they aren’t afraid to show you how nasty that can be to family members, how will they treat you and any future children? An occasional small argument between relatives is fine however, if you’re noticing they’re bad behavior is the norm, with no intentions of correcting it, know that the nasty attitude will eventually come for you. It’s just a matter of time.
Controlling Behavior aka. Thinking They Own You…
An unhealthy relationship starts with your partner controlling almost every moment in your life. Where you should go, how long you’re there for, who your friends should be, who you can and cannot talk to. Usually the controlling partner will do their best to make it seem that in order to prove your love to them, you must do everything they say without any question. Don’t be fooled by their manipulation. That’s not what love is or how love should be.
They have no work ethic.
As young adults, we may think we need to have are sh*t together by a certain age. It’s okay to spend your 20s and 30s exploring your recreational and career interests, working odd jobs to survive, whatever. Everyone goes through a struggle in their lives. What matters is, their attitude about it. Why are they doing to get out of the struggle? Are they in school? Are they learning a trade? Do they have plans of moving up with their current employer? Or are they flat out unmotivated or unwilling to get past “the struggle”? In that case, move on immediately. They will only drag you down with them.